Today is a beautiful autumn day. I’m trying really hard to appreciate it fully. Without worrying about the shortening days. I’m focusing on the vivid hues of the trees. Not the quantity of leaves on the ground. It’s perfect cycling weather: not too hot, not too cold, and perfectly dry. Halloween decorations are everywhere, and so what if they look a little incongruous in the sunshine?

I am conflicted. About seasons. I love the warm, long summer days; I really dislike winter. But here’s the thing, you can’t live somewhere with long summer evenings if you aren’t prepared to accept the short cold wet winter days. Furthermore, if I choose to live in London, and I do, I have to take the good with the not-so-good. There are many other fabulous winter-free locations I might live, but London is home, plus it’s the contrast between the two that makes summer so appealing. I ought to embrace the cooling and shortening days ahead. I should take in the majesty of fiery trees as they prepare to give up all their leaves. I ought to enjoy snuggling up under a pile of blankets to read a book, going for walks in crisp winter sunshine, log fires, Christmas, snow. Who wouldn’t? At risk of sounding a little less optimistic than usual,  Bah, Humbug! London is a great city, but winter mostly doesn’t do it justice. London winters are grey, drizzly, and cold but not in a good crisp way.

I guess that autumn marks the beginning of the end of another year. In my case, this year marks the end of my fifth decade. So I reckon this year,  I’m allowed to wallow in a puddle of self pity. And yes, a microscope and an amplifier will be needed to see and hear the world’s smallest violin!

Halloween signals the definite arrival of autumn. That, and the clocks changing to mark the official end of British Summer Time.  I can’t lie, I find that the daylight saving malarkey adds insult to injury. I’m not great with mornings, but adding a couple of weak rays of winter sunlight does mighty little to improve them. Parks shut at sundown so it seems mental to artificially lose a whole hour of afternoon parklife. When the kids were little and twice daily park excursions kept us all just about sane, those unnecessarily early closures just exacerbated the long nights. London parks are one of this city’s greatest assets, and I’ve maintained my park habit long after the kids stopped going.  It keeps me sane. I love observing nature change with the seasons: the crocuses announcing the imminent end of  winter, the daffodils proclaiming spring, the baby ducklings taking their first swim in the early summer, the glorious flowers (manicured beds or lush meadows) of midsummer, the conkers in autumn,  and, well, winter, when nature rests. I continue to resent the artificial daylight constraints. In theory I could get my park fix before noon, but I’m not a morning person. Anyway, I digress. I can’t help it.

On a more positive note, I have stocked up on sweets to make sure that the trick or treaters get enough sugar to give themselves a 3 day high. I’ve just acquired 2 enormous pumpkins. I’m not much of an artist so they’ll probably end up looking scarier than intended. But they will signal my willing participation in the sweet-giving tradition. It would be mean to spoil the evening for the little ones (including Only Daughter, who’s not that little any more) who soooo look forward to this event, possibly even more than Christmas. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have misgivings over the crazy commercialisation of the evening.  I like the original idea about honouring the dead, for sure, but I think the dead would be horrified and offended by our depictions of them as ghouls, vampires, mommies, ghosts. Could we just stick to skeletons: still offensive, but at least more accurate! Me? I’d prefer a yearly celebration of midsummer spirits like fairies, elves and maybe nymphs.

Soon the Christmas countdown will begin. This distresses me. Because the lead up to the big day (gift buying, gift wrapping, card writing, card sending, even meal planning and prepping) never seems to get easier, despite years of practice. Is it just me or is it actually getting harder with age? (Yup, there’s that violin…) Maybe because as the kids get older, it gets harder to fulfil their wishlist. They they don’t want clothing or books or lego or a pencil case. They want a car (not even kidding), or the newest iPhone, or cold hard cash, not much in between! Maybe I’m pining for those good old bad old days when the kids were smaller, more innocent and easier to impress! Beware the rose tinted glasses which distort bygone days, adding blurriness (aka soft focus)  and a pink tinge to one’s bygone memories! Looking back, younger kids were seriously time consuming, utterly dependent, and actually did put in yearly requests (denied) for the newest iPhone! I’ll put on my Mother Christmas hat, start a new spreadsheet, and keep things as festive as they need to be in order to survive winter. It would be mean to  spoil it for the little ones who still believe in magic or for the big ones who are up for a yearly bout of excess to mark the sun’s annual come-back!

Did I mention I’m not a huge fan of winter? I find the old adage about good clothing negating the effects of icy, inclement weather unhelpful. It doesn’t do anything about the long dark nights. Or the cold damp drizzly rain that chills you to the bone. Or the amount of time you spend gearing up to conquer the cold, only to have to strip when you enter the overheated and overcrowded tube. Eagerly anticipating snow, but watching it turn grey and icy the moment it hits the ground. Ugh! If I could just hibernate,  I’d be the happiest of creatures! Imagine, 3 months of sleep preceded by 9 months of piling on enough weight to subsist on nothing but air and slumber! And waking up slender in time for spring! Ok, I know, IRL hibernation isn’t quite as dreamy as it seems. And IRL winter is obviously not so dreadful that prolonged unconsciousness is the answer! It’s just not my favourite season.

Autumn, the earth’s wind-down season, is a good time to reflect on the previous 365 earth spins. Corny as it sounds, another year of miraculous life is already a big win. The language obsession is going strong and I even managed to impress my Greek teacher the other day by learning a bunch of irregular verbs. I’ve learnt to play 4 new pieces on the piano albeit a little robotically (except that robots don’t make mistakes and I do!) and this is my 36th post since I started this blog (that, loyal reader, means 36 opportunities to moan about whatever irks me. You’re welcome!) Oh, and I increased my work hours (just a smidgen) and the kids are increasingly independent. All of us are slowly learning to balance work and leisure (emphasis on the latter, not gonna lie) – always the most difficult of challenges.

I think the trick is to enjoy the good moments, and take comfort in the knowledge that the bad ones will pass. Cycling home in the wintery rain after a challenging day at work is tough, but nothing that a warm shower won’t resolve. Add in a G&T and a homecooked dinner (extra bonus if one of the increasingly independent kids prepared it), and you’re on a roll! Nothing is ever all bad, not even winter.  There will be plenty of crisp sunny winter days, there will be time to snuggle up under a pile of blankets (that you were rather conveniently given a few Christmases ago), there will be life-affirming festivities, there might even be snow, white and fluffy. And it won’t be too long before those first crocuses start making their welcome appearance, and the days start getting a wee bit longer. Ugh, who am I kidding? Bring on the summer!